Friendship

I have this visual of snapshots in my head over the past year or so. It resembles an Instagram carousel. Each moment holds memories in which a person cemented themselves as essential parts of my life. When a specific yes meant, I would allow them access to speak into my life, advise, and remind me of how I can be better. For each person, the initial yes was not a “meet cute” but a moment where we both chose vulnerability and saw it as a strength.

Gone are the days in the playground where you look at a person and decide, “You will be my best friend for eternity.” Those days were filled with tag, avoiding cooties, and begging parents for sleepovers that would solidify a deep relationship through late-night giggles and whispers of secrets. I’m not saying adult friendships cannot start like this, but we have to factor in jobs, cooking meals, and the fear that saying yes to the person in front of you means devastating hurt. (Aint no breakup like a friendship breakup.)

But I don’t think I want to dive into the mechanics of adult friendships quite yet. Instead, I want to focus on the happy yesses that guided my life to this moment, where I recognize how sweet it is to find people who remind you, that you are always worth the effort.

How else can I describe what I mean without examples?

I’m talking about the moment in the coffee shop where a friend said she carries socks with her just in case we end up at my house because she knows I don’t “do” shoes in my home.

Or when I showed up with a salsa jar filled with lemon syrup that led to a friendship filled with late nights of laughter, music, and conversations of curiosity and encouragement.

And what about the conversation in a coffee line where we commiserated about our pain of silly boys and the declaration that we should be lifelong friends because her takes on life were needed in my life?

At times, I feel as though I complicate this whole friendship thing. I watch a movie and decide, “This is how all friendships should be.” Or I scroll on BeReal and feel a bit of jealousy (possibly frustration) that my friendships don’t measure up to the images shared. Then I realize I’m on my couch sipping tea, nursing a headache due to my non-stop, jealousy-inducing friendship hang marathon that I’ve been sprinting for the last few months.

It’s easy to have moments overwhelmed with the beauty of those who have entered and changed your life to forget them. Then, when you are alone, life catches up to you.

But back to the snapshots. The ones filled with belly laughs, jump scares, and moments when you realize deep in your spirit, you have found someone that truly gets you. When you know they are worth every fight and challenging conversation. The fear of letting someone in doesn’t outweigh the possibility of all the good that could come.

I mean, true, friendship is scary. You are allowing a person in, knowing they will disappoint and they may hurt you. But you return to the carousel, filled with the memories of beginnings where you just knew this person was right for you.

So, I guess this is a long-winded thank-you letter of sorts. To the friends that loved me so well and deeply. To my childhood friends that shaped me. My college friends showed me love as I figured out who I was. And for my adulthood friends who held me through all types of seasons. The depth of care and love you’ve given in all seasons are deeply cherished. No matter the time spent or how our friendship looks today, you’ve made me who I am today, and I’m blessed and thankful.

Love,

Mojade Adejokun